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Animated Atrocities 33/Transcript
Alright, now that I've taken care of SpongeBob topping "One Coarse Meal" and Family Guy killing off Brian, is there anything else preventing me from moving on to some Christmas videos? been announced that Family [Guy will be bring back Brian. There's even an episode that involves him falling in love with a jogger.] Well, I'll just deal with that as it comes. This is "Dexter vs. Santa's Claws". Isn't that the weirdest title ever. Ah yes, each of the Cartoon Cartoons have had pretty much one of those episodes that just wasn't up to snuff. I already took out "Ball of Revenge" and "Town and Out", and, at some point, I'll be taking care of "Witch-Ay Woman" from Johnny Bravo, and "If It Smells like an Ed" from Ed, Edd n Eddy. But yeah, this tradition has gone back to the very beginning. The first Cartoon Cartoon: Dexter's Lab. I don't think I need to explain how important that show was and it used a formula that's still being ripped off by cartoons today. It starts off on a snowy night with Dee Dee writing her Christmas list on one of Dexter's computers. He's obviously not happy with her. like he didn't believe in her imaginary friend in that episode where he was proved wrong And he's the one who doesn't believe in Santa Claus. Most stories like this had the non-believer sort of a straw man. I can assure you that they don't do that here. At least, not exactly. INSTEAD they turn him into a rapper! 'Dexter: '''Hoooo! raps Dad dresses up in a Santa getup, of the rapping shark from "Tentacolino" You know, of all the reocurring trends to happen in the series, I never thought that it would be bad rap songs. According to Dexter, Dad dresses up as Santa, brings his car on the roof, disguises it as a sleigh and then has Mom dressed up as a reindeer. And then he drives the car off of the roof. Um, yeah... That's a pretty stupid plan. I mean, even past normal stupid cartoon plan standards! Dee Dee tells Dexter the story that we all know: Santa lives in the North Pole with a bunch of elfs. Dexter shuts her off and then he decides he wants to prove his uh... 'theory' correct. EXCELLENT, spy on your parents all night! Or put a camera on the roof. Why does he have a camera pointed toward Dee Dee's bed!? to Edd from Ed, Edd n Eddy '''Edd: '''That's disturbing. An alarm wakes him up and we see what is clearly the real Santa Claus. Dexter comes up and confronts him. montage of Santa Claus 'speaking' with 'ho's only For some reason, he speaks like that throughout the whole episode. And no, that doesn't make any sense! Is Santa a pokémon, no? THEN HE SHOULD '''SPEAK '''LIKE A REAL, DAMN PERSON!! Dexter tries to take a picture of Santa, but Santa throws his camera away. Dexter ATTACKS him and tries to rip off the beard, but it won't come off. Then, Santa uses magic to get up on the roof. Of course, Dexter doesn't see that. Dexter gets up to the roof and confronts Santa with a razor. Here's a question: is Dexter the guy we're supposed to be rooting for in this episode? I mean, he USUALLY is; he's the main character of the show, but you can't root for someone who is TRYING TO ATTACK AND SHAVE SANTA! '''Dexter: '''Mom!? reindeer jumps out, Dexter covers in fear Alright, first of all, Dexter is the '''STUPIDEST '''genius in the world if he thinks that's a costume! Also, there are seven other reindeer that were even seen later in the episode! Dexter pulls off the reindeer's antlers... Santa shoves Dexter into the chimney and flies off. Dexter still believes that this is Santa, because, as we all know, minivans have the uncanny ability to fly. Y-you need to buy a premium package... The chimney becomes a jet and Dexter flies after Santa. Dee Dee wakes up and sees Dexter chasing Santa down. '''Dexter: '''He's really gonna go up this year, but I have to shoot him down to prove my theory! You need to shoot down Santa Claus' sleigh in order to prove that Santa Claus isn't real. How do you come to that conclusion!? HOW IN ANY WAY DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE!?!? By the way, what you thought was a minivan is flying through the air! YOUR '''THEORY '''IS ALREADY WRONG!!! Dexter fires a missile and Santa tosses some presents out. '''Dee Dee: '''Those better not be MY presents! Just because you make one character a selfish asshole, it doesn't make the guy trying to shoot down Santa look any better! In fact, if you're trying to make Dexter the bad guy, you just killed it! Dexter starts shooting lasers at Santa's sled, which causes him to crash down into Dexter's house, despite them flying away from it, but whatever. Dexter comes in and shave Santa. Turns out that he's real! And the parents come down understandably upset. And NOW the house is destroyed. Hey, aren't Christmas specials supposed to be all happy or flows with a sense of hope or something? '''Dexter: '''I'm sorry I ruined Christmas again. So, did this happen last year, too? No, that can't be, because there would be no logic to this episode. I mean, even less logic than the episode already has! Dexter tries to say that Christmas is all about love and sharing, but, according to Santa... '''Dee Dee: 'not what Christmas is about! '''Dexter: '''It's not? Then what IS it about? '''Santa: '''The presents. notepage for this episode Great lesson for the kids! I'm going back to play Pokémon... Category:Animated Atrocities Category:Transcripts Category:Season 2